just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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