i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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