grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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