omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
