all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
