i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
