my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
