You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
