Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
