I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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