i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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