You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
