We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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