i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
