a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So many bounce houses so little time
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My ass is underappreciated
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
