dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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