So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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