i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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