We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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