She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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