In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
