Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
