Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
