its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
