I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
