so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
