I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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