Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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