So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
