I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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