Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
