Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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