Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
