I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my poor anus
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
