batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
