just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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