Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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