My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i dont even know how to be here
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
