hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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