I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
