I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
