i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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