She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
