If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just high enough for therapy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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