I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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