I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
