All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
of course. lets lasso hookers.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
