He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
