i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
