Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just had sex bonerless
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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