I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I look better un-naked...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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