If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
